Facts and Tips for Parents and Caregivers
Together we can prevent the
sexual abuse of children.
Fact:
Child sexual abuse happens in both rural and urban areas, at all
economic and educational levels, and across all racial and cultural
groups.
Saying "no" to an older -- and
more powerful -- person is hard for children.
Parents can teach
their children:
- that it is okay to say "no"
- to recognize behaviors that don't feel right
- how to get help when they need it
What is child sexual abuse?
Any sexual activity
between an adult and a child or adolescent (as well as between an
adolescent and a child) is sexual abuse. This includes both
touching and nontouching behaviors.
- Touching includes everything from fondling to
intercourse.
- Nontouching includes exposing oneself to a
child, taking sexually explicit or provocative photographs of a
child, and showing pornography to a child.
While exploring sexuality is a normal
and healthy part of growing up, there may be times when children
are involved in activities with one another that are not healthy.
Pay attention when one child exhibits the following
characteristics:
- Is larger in size and is more than 3 years older in age;
- Has greater mental, emotional, or physical
ability; or
- Uses power through threats, bribes, or
physical force
Who sexually abuses children?
Most people who sexually abuse children
look and act just like everyone else. It's hard to face the fact
that someone the child knows -- and even likes or loves --
might be an abuser. Most abusers are either family members
(fathers, mothers, stepparents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and
cousins) or another trusted adult -- not a stranger.
Abusers usually build up to the abuse
slowly. At first, most children do not fully understand what is
happening. By the time they are being abused, children often
believe that they are to blame for what is happening. This is
because the abuser has told them so.
People who sexually abuse children
often appear friendly and trustworthy. Following are some signs to
watch out for in people -- including family members and other
trusted adults -- who come in contact with children:
- Finds reasons to be alone with children -- outings or
special trips without other adults.
- Often has a "special" child friend and usually wants to be
alone with that child. May give this child lavish gifts or pay
unusual attention to the child.
- Makes sexual comments involving children.
- Makes sexual comments either to or in front of children, or
comments to others about a child's body or sexuality.
Tips to help protect your child
Talking with your child is one of the
best ways to protect your child. Good communication and
trust are key to giving your child the confidence to say "no" to
possible abuse. It's good to start early and talk
often about this and other safety matters. Here are some
simple rules that even young children can be taught:
- No secrets. "No one should ever tell you to
keep a secret from me -- one that might make me mad if I found
out. An adult who cares about you will never ask you to do
this."
- All body parts have names. No matter what
names your family uses for penis, vagina, breasts, and buttocks,
talk to your child about these body parts in an open and honest
way. When we don't talk about these parts of our bodies, we send
the message that they are not to be spoken about. Abusers rely on
children to follow their parents' lead of not talking about
"private parts." "All parts of your body have names. These are
_______."
- Adults should not touch certain parts of your
body. "Adults and older children have no business
"playing" with your private parts. When I help you with washing or
wiping yourself -- that is not the same as playing. Doctors
and nurses help you by examining these body parts -- but it's
not a secret."
- Adults don't need help with their bodies.
"Adults and older children will never need help from you
with their private parts. If you are asked to help with
washing someone's private parts, please come and tell me right
away. I will not be angry with you."
Take the opportunity to weave these
simple messages into everyday conversations and situations.
How can I tell if my child has
been sexually abused?
Physical signs of sexual abuse are not
common. If you are becoming concerned about unusual levels of
anxiety or behavior change in your child, this can be a
sign of sexual abuse -- or of many other childhood stresses.
Following are some common examples of behavior seen in children who
have been sexually abused:
- New words for private body parts that were not learned at home.
- Sexual activity with toys or other children, sexual play with
dolls, or asks others to behave in a sexual way.
- Does not want to talk about a "secret" involving an adult or
older child.
- Not wanting to be left alone with a certain babysitter, friend,
relative, other child, or adult. Sometimes, a child's behavior
might change when left with a certain person -- for example,
going from talkative and cheery to quiet and distant.
If your child tells you that sexual
abuse is occurring, take it seriously. Listen to what your
child is saying and call your child's doctor right away.
What can I do if I think sexual
abuse has occurred?
If you believe abuse is happening,
begin by simply asking your child, "You seem unhappy. What's
troubling you? I love you and I won't get mad at you -- no
matter what you tell me."
Often, child sexual abuse is not
obvious. This makes many people who think abuse is happening
uncertain. They may not want to share what they are thinking with
others. Concerned adults can call or visit the child's doctor.
Other resources include the police, the Department of Social
Services, and confidential help lines.
By working together -- parents, health
care providers, and other adults in our communities -- we can
prevent the sexual abuse of our children.
For additional information or
help when you know or suspect that a child is being abused,
contact:
- Your doctor or your child's doctor
- Massachusetts Department of Social Services
(DSS):
- Call (617) 748-2000 or visit www.state.ma.us/dss to find the
office that serves your community.
- Child At Risk Hotline: (800) 792-5200
- Massachusetts Child Sexual Abuse Prevention
Partnership: (617) 742-8555
- Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to
Children (MSPCC): (617) 587-1500
- National Children's Alliance: (800) 239-9950
or visit www.nca-online.orgto locate the
Child Advocacy Center nearest you.
- STOP IT NOW!: 1-888-PREVENT (1-888-773-8368);
Monday through Friday, 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Anonymous and
confidential advice about your options if you suspect someone of
abusing a child, or if you are sexually abusing a child.
To order
additional copies of this card, please contact:
Massachusetts Medical Society
Public Health and Education
860 Winter Street
Waltham, MA 02451-1411
Phone: (800) 322-2303
E-mail:dph@mms.org
This tip card is part of a series
originated by R. Sege, M.D., Ph.D., Floating Hospital for Children
at Tufts-New England Medical Center/Tufts University School of
Medicine, Boston, and developed with the Massachusetts Medical
Society's Committee on Violence.
Author: Jetta Bernier, M.A.
The information in this tip card was
compiled by Massachusetts Citizens for Children, Inc. and its
program, Prevent Child Abuse Massachusetts. We acknowledge the
following organizations for contributing information: Care For
Kids, Ontario Health Ministry, Canada; From Darkness to Light,
Charleston, South Carolina; Kempe Children's Center, Denver,
Colorado; Stop It Now! Haydenville, Massachusetts.
Funding was provided in part from the
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention award,
#R49/CCR118602-03.
The information contained in this
publication does not constitute legal advice and should not be used
as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your
pediatrician or other doctor. Indicators and recommendations may
vary based on individual facts and circumstances.
© Copyright 2004 Massachusetts Medical
Society
This card may be duplicated for
distribution without profit.
